How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
