Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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