wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
