He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
