peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
