when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
