Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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