I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
