They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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