ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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