I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
