This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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