So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
