I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
