It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize