The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
