I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
