first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
