I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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