I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He has the fingertips of a God
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