I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
