Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
