fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
