Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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