The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
