Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
