Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dear god my vagina.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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