So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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