Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize