As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
