Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
