Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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