she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
