I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How external is "for external use only"?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize