my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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