if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
