im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
