STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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