I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
3pm strippers are depressing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
