Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
