Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
