Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
