She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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