its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
