if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
