Sry I called you an 8
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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