I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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