that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
