Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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