New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
