I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
