god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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