i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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