What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
