I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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