well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
