Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
