I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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