Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
