And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
