im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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