i just wanna soil my oats bro
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
