You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
