One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I currently don't understand fingers.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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