Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I love you. Go after that dick
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
