I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
