What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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