I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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