It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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